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Remember, it is Not Just What You Say

It is important to understand that it is not just what we say but how we say it. Not only do people listen to the words which we use but also the tone in which we say them. Take for instance, a couple is having a dispute over who is going to wash the dishes. Finally, the wife screamed, “I WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO WASH THE DISHES FOR US!” Does she really mean it? Most likely she does not. Our tone is just as important when we use kind words. Solomon wrote, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Even if we say something nice, if our tone is hateful the end product will not be so great. Our tone of voice will show our true feelings on a subject. Sincerity goes a long way. While preaching on the phrase “Love the Brotherhood” found in 1 Peter 2:17, a friend spoke of Thumper from Disney’s Bambi. We remember Thumper had some not so nice words when his mother made him recite the familiar phrase, “If you can’t say nothing nice, don’t say nothing at all.” He took that phrase a step further. He said, “If you can’t say anything nice and be sincere about it, don’t say anything at all.”

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Words of Praise

That is to “express approval or commendation” or “recognizing one’s achievements.” Think of the award ceremonies aired on television on a yearly basis. These awards are given to recognize certain individuals for the hard work that has been performed through the year or a lifetime. There are just times when someone needs to be told, “You’ve done a good job.” Marshall Keeble once said, “Everyone loves to be praised, even a dog will wag its tail when you praise him.” While it is understood that members of the church should not do the works of the church for recognition of man, there is nothing wrong with giving or accepting praise. “Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips” (Proverbs 27:2). Take a moment to reflect on the members of the congregation who do so much. Think of the song leaders, those who lead in prayer, prepare or lead in the Lord’s Supper, clean the building, do maintenance work, teach classes, and the list goes on. These individuals should be praised for their good work. Let us not be like the person in the congregation who can always find a problem but never can find anything kind to say. Be willing to praise someone for their good work. “We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers; Remembering without ceasing your work of faith, and labour of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ, in the sight of God and our Father; Knowing, brethren beloved, your election of God” (1 Thessalonians 1:2-4).

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Use Words of Encouragement

According to Wordweb encourage means “to inspire with confidence.” As one studies through the preaching of the apostles, this was part of their work. “As ye know how we dealt with each one of you, as a father with his own children, exhorting you, and encouraging you, and testifying… (1 Thessalonians 2:11; ASV). Paul even charged those of Thessalonica to do the same to the fainthearted (1 Thessalonians 5:14; ASV). There are going to be times in which we or someone we know will lack courage. The words we use in those situations will either create or kill confidence. For example, one may say, “I really need to lose weight” or “I have a bad habit I really need to quit.” There are a number of ways in which this can be handled. What will be said in this instance? “Well, you know it’s really hard. It takes a lot of commitment. Do you really think that you can do something of this magnitude?” That doesn’t inspire much confidence does it? Instead, it really dismisses the person as a failure before he has a chance doesn’t it? What about saying, “I have confidence that you will meet your goal and I will do everything I can to help you through this.” That shows your confidence in them, which inspires self confidence in that individual. The same can be applied in the church when someone who has never really been involved wants to do more for the cause of Christ. The words one uses can either inspire courage or cause it to expire. Use more words of encouragement.

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Kind Words Never Hurt

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” has to be one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves. Words do, in fact, hurt. There is a great power behind the words we use. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof” (Proverbs 18:21). Notice that life and death are in the power of the tongue. With its use we can either build up or destroy. It would bring one to a remembrance of what James said of the tongue (James 3:5-10). All it takes to start a great fire is a small spark and small amount of poison can destroy the body. All it takes is one statement of hatred to do a lot of damage to a person. Words can literally make or break an individual. For instance, a child who hears nothing but negative statements his entire life from family and friends will most likely grow up to use nothing but negative statements. That child will believe things about himself that may not be true or grow up with no belief in self. Be careful even of what is said to self. One may beat himself down so much that he believes lies. “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…” (Proverbs 23:7). The best thing to do is think about what is about to be said. Is it going to hurt the individual who is before me? Even in speaking to someone who is in sin, we give “…the truth in love…” (Ephesians 4:15).

Be Ye Kind One to Another...By Using Kind Words (1)

Paul wrote, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). This is one of many verses in which Paul exhorted the brethren to treating each other with kindness. Being kind is being, “serviceable, good, pleasant, gracious, kind” (Vines). In fact, Jesus spoke of the kindness God has towards those who are unthankful and evil. “But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil” (Luke 6:35). In Ephesians, Paul uses that word to show how Christians should treat one another. Kindness is to be shown to the brethren. It is not a suggestion but a command given by the apostles (1 John 3:23). Keeping that in mind, over the next few months different ways Christians can show kindness to one to another will be discussed. This topic of discussion over the next few days will be our showing kindness by using kind words.